I have suffered from mild depression all my life
but never really knew what it was until recently. I was just "in
a bad mood', "down", "blue", or as my Dad used to say 'that girl needs
a tonic'. I would do things I would never normally do, things that made
me ashamed and then lay on my bed and cry for days, too exhausted to do
any of the things I normally enjoyed. And the worst part was the
dark thoughts - "no-one would miss me if I was gone", "no-one loves me
because I'm so evil", "I don't serve to live"... And even worse,
before I knew about post polio and my leg started getting weaker, my thoughts
would race from one stumble to "being in a wheelchair" or "bed ridden",
"a burden on my family". Then luckily I would come out the other
side and not have any idea how bad it had been.
They say each person has a 'relapse signature'
and if you or some one close to you can learn to recognise it, you can
stop things before they get too bad. My 'signature' is that some minor
thing goes wrong, like the dog knocks the bowl out of my hand, and my reaction
is way out of proportion and I whack the dog and shout 'Bad Dog!' and the
poor thing cowers. Then I feel really ashamed and guilty for doing
it and start crying, etc, etc, etc. Now I recognise that initial
feeling and try to do something about it.
I now know that depression is characterised by
extreme tiredness, bouts of despair and negative thinking. It ranges from
feeling low or sad to a debilitating illness. It is important to recognise
the early symptoms because the illness quickly escalates into a loss of
insight and control and feelings of guilt and lack of self worth.
Symptoms of depression are:
- low mood, negative thinking, hopelessness
- loss of interest in most things - even taste
- loss of pleasure
- poor appetite and weight loss
- insomnia, waking at 2am or 3am
- fatigue, bone chilling tiredness
- trouble thinking and making decisions
- slowing down physically
- irritability, anxiety, tension
- guilt, self blame, life is not worth living
- thoughts of suicide
I realised recently that since I have been taking
the B6 as well as carnitine and other things Tessa's list told me I needed,
I haven't been troubled with depression. Except, when I ran out of
B6 and left it some days before getting another bottle, I found it rearing
its ugly head again. As soon as I got back on B6 I was right again.
The main thing is for you and your family to
recognise your 'relapse signature' and start taking or increase your dose
to prevent the downward spiral into depression.
PS I mentioned to Tessa that dull gloomy
winter days depress me. So we tested my dose, and yes I need a little
extra B6 on those days.
Debbie